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[Jul. 25th, 2005|11:48 pm] |
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Tonight I watched my best friend sleep out of the corner of my eye while he was holding me in his arms, and I thought that maybe I'm not quite as in love with him as I've always believed I was. Blades of grass are not worth losing my mind over, you know? |
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[Mar. 22nd, 2005|03:31 pm] |
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i think it would be helpful to learn a couple languages. at least one more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2005|12:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  dirty | ] |
today my feet almost fell off.
some people feel like they're a warm sleeping bag on a camping trip in May when you hug them. i've been thinking a lot about my "one who got away". Even though we don't see eachother much, I can still remember just how he smells right after a shower. Something with him has changed this time, though. He's hasn't been the one to pull away in a while now, and I good read way to much into things and my words go to shit when I smoke too much pot.
It occurs to me that perhaps I have spent too much time thinking about him.
But he's my Tad Hamilton, and it just can't be helped. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|04:22 pm] |
goodness me it's really cold outside. to smoke it takes five minutes of layering, and the wind, good god the wind.
will spring ever be here? |
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[Mar. 14th, 2005|03:36 pm] |
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I think I accidentally became a drug dealer. |
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[Mar. 9th, 2005|07:08 am] |
Yesterday I remembered walking across the belmont bridge in the middle of the night with Remy and it made me cry. Too many things make me cry- someday I'll learn to express my emotions in words. Most of the time I'm not even that upset, just so overwhelmed with expressing my feelings to anyone else.
The Cville city public school bus just drove by and I think I might actually miss school.
Penelope is crying in the next room, and I almost just want to leave her there and hope her voice box falls out, but as that is pretty doubtful, I guess I'll be going to feed her breakfast in a few.
I've been spending quite a bit of time at the boy's new apartment. It's convenient, them being my neighbors and all. Brian, Chris, Savas and Robert all living under one roof is proving to be rather chaotic. Nietzsche said that one must have chaos in ones self in order to give birth to a dancing star. Obviously Nietzsche never gave birth.
Brian says that by living his ideals he has created a society which will be the most efficient, even it if it is only within his personal spectrum. But I can't seem to have enough confidence in any system to live independently of the (American way). I live, work, pay taxes, ect. in this system, and my brain refuses to rise above that to react in any other way. Brian says a lot of things that I wish I could fully comprehend but most of the time just end up understanding enough to see, and not feel.
And his roommate Chris thinks so little of me me and my intelligence. I lose so much confidence around him that whenever he's in the room I lose at least 30 IQ points and act a fool. I can't seem to get my stuff right when he's around, and not in a good flustered crush way, but in a total awe at his superior intellect kind of way. I just end up convincing him even more what an idiot I am evey time his is around. In fact, when his girlfriend is around I feel the same way. Those kids blow my mind. So young and they care so much around their belief in a better way, or maybe it's all just a really good act. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|12:25 am] |
Human and chimp intercourse exists. (It made me laugh for a bit...)
The seasons are trying to morph, desperately. Yesterday it was fifty and sunny. We wore tee-shirts and moved furniture. I've found that I need intellectual stimulation, and sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't spend so much time in reflection, and try a live a little bit more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2004|08:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
He hit me so i moved back in the the 'rents.
And i've become that stupid woman on lifetime that can't explain why she cries over day because she misses him. (I realized today that I was never happier than when he told me that I should be) and ugh i just want to go back to before when we were in love. Oh good god that's pathetic.
I went to Annapolis and crashed on J.P.'s couch for a few days, that was pretty chill. Lots of watching video games (Halo 2 apparently ROCKS... at least i heard that a lot this week) My hair is red and i'm going to go get stoned.
Lisa- 2494453 I lost your address so that's why the care package never came. Still waiting for my letter... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2004|12:38 am] |
update for no reason other than the boy is asleep in my living room and i'm too wound up to sleep.
summer is going well- lost 70,000 dollars of scholarship money- but it's okay because being poor is something i always imagined myself as. being the fuck up kid is working well for me- i drink a lot more than my kidneys really know how to handle, i smoke more than my lungs can breath through, and my newish friends help sneek me into 21 and over bars.
i'm terribly lonely, and trying to remember what it felt like to just chill, and be sober and happy.
really it's not as bad as it sounds. i'm feeling sorry for myself. i'm pretty happy usually, i only feel like writing when i'm not. strange.
anyways, the parentals left town so i'm house sitting for them for a week. it's weird, sleeping in this house. everything reminds me of how they don't want me around except when it's convienient for them. ahhh well, the party at kat's house starts tomorrow.
i skipped a month of my period, that was scary as fuck. it's all good now, but jesus that was four weeks i never want to go through again.
I might be moving out of cville, i'm pretty sure i'm done here. i've been thinking looking into the west coast, but maybe i'll just stay here and take classes. either way, life is moving too fast and i need to quit drinking. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2004|02:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
FUCK YOU HOTMAIL! FUCK YOU UP THE ASS WITH A BARBED WIRE FENCE! |
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